Christmas Spirit

The last few weeks have been difficult ones for me, as I have been navigating the often tumultuous waters called Christmas Family Drama (CFD). I’m sure many people experience this, but this year it feels like my CFD has reached new and epic levels. As I’ve stepped back and evaluated my response and past/future involvement, I have come to the conclusion that some of this is probably heightened by the fact that I’m 2 years pregnant with my second child (okay, 7 months) and the raging hormones and exhaustion do not seem to have been given a wide berth and extra care.

This drama has brought on a period of discouragement, sadness and frustration and it has been very difficult to get excited about Christmas or even wanting to participate in it. When I told my husband that I didn’t have any Christmas Spirit and he asked “what is that supposed to look like?” I guess for me, it’s the Joy of what Christ did for us – celebrating the birth of Jesus so that we could all be saved.

Then to top it all off, my husband and I had a fight – something that is rather rare at our house. As we were sat in frigid silence on separate floors, I took my Pity Party, Kit-Kat, and Pepsi to the basement bathroom for some quiet and mentally reviewed the year. I had to find out if 2010 just totally stank or if good things happened.

I started my mental review with the month of January – our daughter spent a week on the Children’s Hospital with pneumonia, taped up to oxygen tubes and monitors because she didn’t have enough oxygen in her blood stream to keep her body going at safe and healthy levels. My first reaction was “this year has been a total write-off” after just assessing the first month. However, I kept going and realized that we have been showered with many blessings. An excellent day-home for Ellie just across the back alley; finishing my Bachelor of Management degree; successfully getting pregnant with our second baby; having a wonderful first camping trip as a family; meeting new people and developing wonderful friendships as a result.....I could keep going.

My Pity Party came to an end and my husband and I had a good conversation and resolved the issues that needed to be resolved at that time. Still, I knew that I just wanted 2010 to be over and I really could care less about Christmas, even though I knew 2010 was a good year.

And then today I did something I’ve never done before. My younger sister and I delivered a bunch of Christmas presents to a family we know who’s had a rough couple of months. It was one of the most fun things I have ever done in my life, and I’ve had this inner warmth and glow in my heart for the rest of the day. It was incredible to see the smiles and excitement on their faces as we showed up at their door with two wagons filled with thoughtful gifts from family, friends and our churches – I think Ellie even got into it as she was in one of the wagons stuffed between baking and bags of presents. I realized that THIS is what Christmas is about – sharing Christ’s love to others, not waiting for some internal feeling. I had so desired this family feel blessed and loved, and I was the one to came away feeling blessed and loved.

I am now looking forward to Christmas 2010 and pray that I will be able to continue to share Christ’s love to those around me.

Events, big and small

A week or two ago, one of my oldest girlfriends inspired me to write a blog post again. She has a blog as well and as I read it, it challenged me to get back at my blogging - if anything to get the thoughts out as they come. Inevitably, stuff happened in my week and both words and time were lacking.

Last week was not an easy week in my grown-up world. Relationships were tested and communication abilities completely dissolved, all making me ask my husband if we could sell everything and live like kings in some developing country just to get away from it all. Yes, it could be seen as the easy way out, but I was ready for anything.

I learned a few things last week though, support comes even when you don't ask for it or explain the situation to anyone. While experiencing the low-points of the week, I had opportunities to sit across the tables from amazing Christian friends and just be. None of these ladies knew what was going on, how close the tears were to the surface, or the emotional turmoil I was tamping down to just try and get through my participation in the event. It made me so thankful that I have a support network of friends that just let you "BE".

As I watched my daughter this week, I was challenged yet again to learn how to enjoy the little things. The most distressing part of her day is getting her face washed after a meal, but then when all the fuss is done and she bounds down from her high chair, something grabs her eye and she's off, laughing and giggling and running around - no hurt feelings from the infraction we just made her sit through. How I wish that a simple face washing would remain to be the thing that distresses her most in life.

Here We Go Again!

Well, here we go again...Baby #2 is going to join us in early March 2011!! We are very excited about this new addition and though Ellie has absolutely no clue how this is going to impact her life, she's excited to.

We have updated our "to do" lists and have been amazed at how fast this pregnancy seems to be going compared to our first pregnancy! The big project for this one is to get Ellie moved into a new room (probably by Christmas) and then weaned off of bottle-drinking - that will be a big one, but I'm equipped with some good tips from those who have gone before me as well as a couple "special" cups just for milk!

Wish me luck!!

Talking and Speaking

Thanks to the worry of one Public Health Nurse, Mark and I have started an adventure called Speech Therapy. While initially I was really annoyed with all the phone calls, assessments and forms I had to fill out, it has been beneficial.

It all started at Ellie's 18-month shots back in March - she didn't really have any identifiable words at that time which according to the "normal" standard (what is that anyway?) was behind. So then the process began which was followed by completing a questionaire to get Ellie on the waiting list. I received a phone call almsot immediately and we had a telephone assessment - the verdict: Ellie had gross motor delay. The reason: because she wasn't walking upright, up and down the stairs.

At this point, I was quite furious - the woman on the phone couldn't understand that my daughter is so incredibly short that her legs are the same length as the rise on a stair! Only after the fact did I think that I should have asked her to climb onto a table in the upright position without holding onto something. Thanks to the wisdom and insight of a dear friend, we started going through the processes that were recommended to us, and I am thankful we have.

We have learned how to play differently with Ellie that makes sense to her (not us). I'm learning how dumb we can be as parents, something I am sure I will re-learn in the teen years! I have also learned that there is a difference between speech and language - Ellie speaks, anyone who has had the priviledge of 5 minutes in her presence knows how well she communicates. Her issue is that she just doesn't speak a language - a valuable difference to know! Mark and I went to Speech School For Parents 101 that the Health Region put on and we've taken a few things to try and implement - it's been very neat to see her words sharpen over the last week as we've tried these new tricks.

Maybe we'll figure out this parenting thing yet!!

2nd birthday prep already!

Today I put together the invitations for Ellie's second birthday party. How has two years passed by already?

Many years ago, I read an article about Martina McBride (country singer), who had two daughters at the time. She told the interviewer that they had always intended on having more children but had been surprised that their youngest was now 4 as time had passed so quickly. When I read that I thought "yeah right, what a load of baloney", not having any clue as to how fast time does fly with children. Now I realize just how right she was!

As I was walking through the living room just moments ago, a photo flashed up on our digital picture frame of Ellie in the delivery room. One of those typical photos of a screaming naked baby covered in goo. How is it possible to be transported back in that split second and hear the crying and the hustle and bustle, and then look down and there's this little girl in front of me who's independence is growing on a daily basis?

I love the moments I get, like last night when I was tucking her in bed, how she snuggles into my neck and holds onto the neck-line of my t-shirt. Those precious moments are so sweet to treasure in my heart.

Father's Day

They say that from the instant he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whoever she grows up to be, she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes or the secrets she keeps.

- Unknown

Growing part 2

I should have mentioned that the change table pictures in the previous blog were from Dec'08 (3 months) and May'10 (20 months).

These car seat photos are from Oct'08 (1 month) and May'10 (20 months).

Always growing

I'm sure I've posted something like this before, but it is amazing to me to watch this little person grow in front of my very eyes! The trial and errors, and trials and success are fascinating! I often wonder if Mark and I are still learning at the ripe age of 30-something the way Ellie is.

I don't know if we cheer on Ellie's growth and development differently because she started out so small, perhaps we do, but for whatever the reason, I am glad we celebrate them. Lately Ellie has taken to clapping for herself when she knows she's done something remarkable - I love it.

Mark and I are in the process of replicating photos of when she was an infant so we can show people that while she is still a little miniature version of the average kid her age, she has come leaps and bounds from where she started.

Climbing

When it became clear that Spring was around the corner, we decided to buy Ellie a little slide for the back yard. The first few times on the slide were a lot of fun, but also a lot of work for Mark and I, as she hadn't quite figured out how to climb up the ladder. I thought perhaps we had bought something too early for her and that it would have been a better purchase for next summer.

One night we were in the yard and Mark worked with Ellie over and over to teach her how to climb up the ladder - now I see her climbing everywhere.

My favourite memory was when she climbed into her little rocking chair, stood up and let go - laughing the entire time. The base of the chair was rocking away, yet she kept her balance and stayed upright for the three seconds she had let go for - she's our little dare devil.

Then last weekend, I was in the kitchen and I turned around and saw her playing at the counter top with Mark's iPod, head phones and loose change he'd left out. I'm thinking as soon as she realizes she can push the kitchen stool around and climb up wherever she wants to be, we may have to put the stool away.

Big Girl Shoes

It was very exciting for me to purchase Ellie's first pair of Big Girl Shoes back in November just after she started walking. We went to Brown's Shoes at Southcentre Mall and found a great pair on sale. Of course, that they were pink suede with hearts and little diamonds made them a quick favourite for me. Nevermind that Ellie's feet were so small that I had one pair of shoes to choose from!

But now we've come to the end of an era - Ellie has outgrown her first pair of Big Girl Shoes and we must hunt for a pair of Size 3's. We went to Brown's Shoes at Market Mall on the weekend and like flies to honey, she went and hugged all the shoes that had sparkles or were pink. We didn't find a pair that shopping trip, that sang to me like her first pair of shoes, so we're still looking.

This photo was taken in March when Great Uncle Norm and Great Auntie Kathy were visiting. Uncle Norm saw Ellie's little shoe and couldn't resist a few photos with his own shoe.

Belly Buttons!!

Ellie has discovered her first body part - the belly button. One would think that it would be a facial-related body part - the eyes, nose, mouth or ears. But no, my child has discovered her belly button. It may come as a surprise to some, but she enjoys going around and lifting shirts to find your belly button and stick her finger in it.

After much laughter at this, I finally sat down to think about this. "Where did this come from?" Mark and I don't go around the house sticking our fingers in each others belly buttons, so I was at a loss as to where she made this new discovery.

But then I found it!

Last night, I was going through the last 12 months of pictures to make my 2010 calendar in iPhoto. Of course, at each video that I found, I had to watch it - what a change in our girl over the last year! Then I found an interesting video from when Ellie spent the night at Ray & Julie's in February. (I will say this was her first sleepover, as she was hanging out with peers (Emmarae & Hadyn), not just Grandma & Grandpa).

Julie and Ray gave the three little girls a bath and took a short video during bathtime. It was watching this again last night, that I saw it. Hadyn did anything Emmarae did, and Emmarae, fascinated by something new (Ellie naked) decided to compare the three little belly buttons. Hadyn quickly followed suit, and now I have an 18-month old who loves putting her finger into her and our belly buttons.

Consider yourself warned!!

Zoo fun

Yesterday was such a beautiful day, so we decided to head to the Zoo for some family time. Having annual passes has been a wonderful thing for our family - we often head out late in the afternoon on a Sunday, walk from the Inglewood entrance to the Africa Pavilion and back again.

This trip, we were surprised to see that the conservatory was finally open again! We strolled around inside and had many wonderful ideas for our garden this summer. In the Africa Pavilion, Ellie was ready to get out of her stroller and enjoyed a walk with her Dad.

It's moments like this that remind me how blessed I am.

A Week in the Hospital

In January, Ellie spent 5 days at the Alberta Children's Hospital with pneumonia. I had strep throat, and Mark had strep throat, pink eye and then mid-way through the week, came down with the stomach flu as well.

We were in rough shape that week, and in retrospect, it was probably a blessing that Ellie was at the hospital as Mark and I were in no form to take care of her!

Ellie was admitted on January 17 because her blood oxygen levels were in the 80%'s - not good. She was quite lethargic and was having difficulty breathing, her naturally "wheezy" state added an element of difficulty. On our way from Emerg to Unit 2, we stopped for a chest x-ray, all the while, attached to a portable oxygen tank. It was quite surreal, walking the halls while Mark held Ellie and the nurse pushed the oxygen tank - I don't think it really sunk in that we were leaving Ellie at the hospital. Perhaps it was exhaustion at this point since it was after 1 o'clock in the morning!!

Ellie bounced back fairly quickly, though she wasn't taken off oxygen until Friday, she had a few hours without it on Wednesday and Thursday. Our nurses were AMAZING - I don't think we were ever really afraid of leaving Ellie, just purely tired.

We brought our girl home again on January 22, 2010 and by the next day, she was running around and laughing and you would never have guessed she'd just spent a week in the hospital. It took Mark and I much longer to recover from the week!!