Christmas Spirit

The last few weeks have been difficult ones for me, as I have been navigating the often tumultuous waters called Christmas Family Drama (CFD). I’m sure many people experience this, but this year it feels like my CFD has reached new and epic levels. As I’ve stepped back and evaluated my response and past/future involvement, I have come to the conclusion that some of this is probably heightened by the fact that I’m 2 years pregnant with my second child (okay, 7 months) and the raging hormones and exhaustion do not seem to have been given a wide berth and extra care.

This drama has brought on a period of discouragement, sadness and frustration and it has been very difficult to get excited about Christmas or even wanting to participate in it. When I told my husband that I didn’t have any Christmas Spirit and he asked “what is that supposed to look like?” I guess for me, it’s the Joy of what Christ did for us – celebrating the birth of Jesus so that we could all be saved.

Then to top it all off, my husband and I had a fight – something that is rather rare at our house. As we were sat in frigid silence on separate floors, I took my Pity Party, Kit-Kat, and Pepsi to the basement bathroom for some quiet and mentally reviewed the year. I had to find out if 2010 just totally stank or if good things happened.

I started my mental review with the month of January – our daughter spent a week on the Children’s Hospital with pneumonia, taped up to oxygen tubes and monitors because she didn’t have enough oxygen in her blood stream to keep her body going at safe and healthy levels. My first reaction was “this year has been a total write-off” after just assessing the first month. However, I kept going and realized that we have been showered with many blessings. An excellent day-home for Ellie just across the back alley; finishing my Bachelor of Management degree; successfully getting pregnant with our second baby; having a wonderful first camping trip as a family; meeting new people and developing wonderful friendships as a result.....I could keep going.

My Pity Party came to an end and my husband and I had a good conversation and resolved the issues that needed to be resolved at that time. Still, I knew that I just wanted 2010 to be over and I really could care less about Christmas, even though I knew 2010 was a good year.

And then today I did something I’ve never done before. My younger sister and I delivered a bunch of Christmas presents to a family we know who’s had a rough couple of months. It was one of the most fun things I have ever done in my life, and I’ve had this inner warmth and glow in my heart for the rest of the day. It was incredible to see the smiles and excitement on their faces as we showed up at their door with two wagons filled with thoughtful gifts from family, friends and our churches – I think Ellie even got into it as she was in one of the wagons stuffed between baking and bags of presents. I realized that THIS is what Christmas is about – sharing Christ’s love to others, not waiting for some internal feeling. I had so desired this family feel blessed and loved, and I was the one to came away feeling blessed and loved.

I am now looking forward to Christmas 2010 and pray that I will be able to continue to share Christ’s love to those around me.

Events, big and small

A week or two ago, one of my oldest girlfriends inspired me to write a blog post again. She has a blog as well and as I read it, it challenged me to get back at my blogging - if anything to get the thoughts out as they come. Inevitably, stuff happened in my week and both words and time were lacking.

Last week was not an easy week in my grown-up world. Relationships were tested and communication abilities completely dissolved, all making me ask my husband if we could sell everything and live like kings in some developing country just to get away from it all. Yes, it could be seen as the easy way out, but I was ready for anything.

I learned a few things last week though, support comes even when you don't ask for it or explain the situation to anyone. While experiencing the low-points of the week, I had opportunities to sit across the tables from amazing Christian friends and just be. None of these ladies knew what was going on, how close the tears were to the surface, or the emotional turmoil I was tamping down to just try and get through my participation in the event. It made me so thankful that I have a support network of friends that just let you "BE".

As I watched my daughter this week, I was challenged yet again to learn how to enjoy the little things. The most distressing part of her day is getting her face washed after a meal, but then when all the fuss is done and she bounds down from her high chair, something grabs her eye and she's off, laughing and giggling and running around - no hurt feelings from the infraction we just made her sit through. How I wish that a simple face washing would remain to be the thing that distresses her most in life.